i dont know why im here. im not suppose to be here. by right, im supposed to be in the bathroom taking my shower. im just not feeling good. im not feeling good. i can feel it..
i just dont know why. i cant concentrate in anything i do. in class, yes.. but not outside of the class. i cant sleep, really. lately, i dunno why i hardly smile. i dunno why im feeling bad. i dunno why i hardly talk to ppl.. i'll only talk to the teachers. and the students, when necessary..
no one could understand me. i guess.. its painful, wen someone that u really trust could do sumthing that u really dislike, especially to u. u expect that person to understand and support u. but in the end, that particular person did sumthing which i, myself didnt expect him/her to do so. i thought all this while, they will actually stand beside me. i guess, im wrong huh? im just wondering, wheres all the promises that u've made.
was it my mistake? perhaps not. im just being myself, and it has nothing to do with anyone else. i have the right to do anything that i want. i didnt do anything bad that would effect anything in your/my life.. i know wats rite and wats wrong. i can make my own decision. i am no longer a small kid. so pls. can u just stop it..? i cant take it anymore.
no one knows that im a very emotional and sensitive person.. maybe. well, u can see my big sweet smile, but, no one knows what im feeling, deep inside my heart.. ppl labelled me as, 'head prefect = very strong person'.. well, its true. i am strong. i play sports, a lot. i hardly show to other ppl if i have any prob. i'll always take it as challenge. if its my prob, i'll solve it by myself..
all i need is, 'trust'.. sigh. why would i wanna do anything, that bad? come on. if u dont wanna let me know, and if u wanna talk anything bad or anything that u dont like bout me, u dont have to say it in a sarcastic way in front of me. i just hate it. some of u, would know, i just hate that type of person. there was once, i actually told one of my fren, "if u tak nak i tahu, then make sure, jgn sampai i tahu. especially, jgn ckp depan i" remember, if it is a secret, it will always remain as a secret. all i want to say is, stop it. stop attacking me. i've had enough. i think its a bit too much that even myself cant take it anymore..
why is it so hard for u to understand? wat did i do? i didnt do anything bad to u, so, pls dont do this to me.. but, i'll always help anyone, who needs help. i dont care whether he/she likes me, i'll definitely help. thats me. i have the right to keep anything to myself. i also have the right to tell anyone that i like.. maybe u couldnt understand coz u dont know the whole scenario. well, i shall just keep it to myself then..
if u have any prob, i'll always be here. thats wat u call true fren. i guess, no one could actually understand wats the meaning of 'true fren' to them, frens are just someone that u can laugh with. well, to me, it brings a lot of meaning.. maybe im too tired. very tired. thats why im not feeling good.
on monday, i had to rush back from school and i had to go for tuition. i had handball practice. and on tuesday, i had to the same thing coz i had netball and house practice. day and night, i have tuition. its all about study. not to mention, everyday, i went to sleep at almost 1 coz i had to finish up my homework and i did some revision. im not being crazy. i just dont have any other time to do all these. well, its not easy to be me huh? its my choice. so, any way, i'll try my best to do it. thats just a lil bit of my schedule. i dont wanna tell everything bout wat i did for the whole day.. u would definitely be shocked and u might think that im not a normal human. not kidding.. i can only rest, urm, that would be my sleeping time. dats all. but hey, im happy with my life :)
i guess dats all. i hope, i'll feel much better after this. although, its kinda impossible. i bukannya mintak belas kasihan, but just, i have a lot n a lot of work to do. so pls, jgn tambahkan beban i with all these tiny little stuff. i just wanna let it go.. all i need is ur support and trust, not more than that. if u are too concerned bout me, well, dont worry, i have my family who will always help and support me. im not trying to underestimate or trying to stop u from concerning bout me. its just that, i dont think thats the right way. to be honest, its even worst. it made me feel horrid. but, i believe in myself and i know God will always be with me.
RuS
7:09 pm
